Shine.

Nor do men light a lamp and put it under a bushel, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:15-16

It’s that time of year. Time for resolutions and gymn memberships, diets, organization and reading lists. Everyone’s doing something.

Every year, I try to quit social media as my new year’s resolution. And every year, the Love of My Life gently requests I do not. Because I Listen to Him so well and do all He asks of me, I usually log out of my social media accounts anyway, with or without warning, and delete them off of my phone. Every year, He asks me not to do it but gladly welcomes me back when I start listening to Him again. We each have our own way of being the perpetual prodigal, don’t we?

My particular problem that results in my being perpetually prodigal person is people.

I don’t like people. I can’t stand them. I have a shirt that says “Ew, People” on it that I wear to social events (I met the Bishop wearing it) and first dates (there usually isn’t a second).

I’ve often said I want to be a hermit. I’m not joking. My dream is to live in a hut in the desert or in a cell attached to a church, where I can be hidden from all but God. Barring those options, I would settle for living out my days in a basement, housing a grand piano, surrounded by hundreds of books amd a sign on the front door saying “No admittance, even on party business”.

However, God is my dream come true, the deepest desire of my heart. *cue “Never Enough” from The Greatest Showman,* You set off a dream in me...His desires for me take precedence over any of my mediocre aspirations. He wants more from me than complacency, more than my solitude, more than any sacrifices. He demands from me every part of who I am including the parts I don’t consider valuable enough to give Him. He desires my passion, my salvation. Dear as my dreams are, His completely eclipse mine because they are designed with every part of me in mind, not just the pretty parts; His plans are wholly and uniquely made for me, as I am wholly and uniquely made for Christ.

He isn’t calling me to give up the world by entering a cloister. He isn’t calling me to give up social media under the ruse of “simplifying” my life. He isn’t calling me to give up ranch dressing. He’s not asking for sacrifice. He’s calling me into a rightly-ordered life. Balance. Moderation.

I want to quit social media. It's the thing to do right? It would make me less self centered, keep me from comparing myself to others and give me more free time to spend on God. And it would make my life easier, because social media, much like driving (although that is an entirely different conversation), is impeding my path towards heaven and holiness. I hear God far more clearly in the sound of silence. I feel His presence more strongly the farther I am removed from humanity. I swear I can feel Him slipping from my grasp every time I log back into facebook or instagram.

If you think I love you, I do but I’d be lying if I didn't say I love God more. The day I cease putting Him First is the day I cease to be myself and become something else entirely.

Thus does mankind’s perpetual struggle continue of keeping the eternal present in our daily lives, while existing in this mortal world.

It would be a good thing for me to get rid of it. But maybe this is about me learning to not let it impede my progress. It would be a good thing for me to get rid of it. It would be the best if I practiced the virtue of moderation and stopped allowing it to come between God and I. It is a good thing (a VERY good thing) that diapers exist for babies and small children. It is best when they are potty trained, when accidents are a thing of the past. It is a good thing that I love God to the exclusion of all else. It is best that I love Him more fully and completely, by learning to love Him in His creations that bear His Image in the world.

Quitting social media entirely would be far easier than learning how to balance it properly and I honestly cannot remember the last time He requested anything easy of me. I want to get rid of Instagram so I am less distracted, not as dragged down by the world and have more time for Him. He wants me to make time for Him while maintaining an online presence. He's calling me out of excess into moderation. Quitting would be easier.

I did log out this year, but briefly. I spent NYE in communion with Christ, praying and journalling and weeping like the lovelorn weirdo religion has made me. And then I logged right back in the next day, even though it's the last thing I wanted to do. I'm learning. And I’m done trying to do things my way, done suffocating my light with a bushel basket.

So this was a blog post all to say how I am not quitting social media for 2019. Or ever, most likely. It’s my favorite New Year’s Resolution, maybe because I never actually get the chance to carry it out.

What is God asking of you in 2019? What is He not asking of you, that you are trying to give Him anyways? Try giving Him yourself first. Give Him your obediance; let Him choose your resolution.

Pax Vobis.