This Post Isn't Boring

I just sat here for about 10 minutes trying to think of an appropriate title for this blog post and I couldn't come up with any that didn't sound boring as all get out. So just so you know, this post isn't boring, and without further ado I will get started.

Tuesday, September 13th:

* I say goodbye to my Mommy and leave for my new home. I forget to pack a coat and forget my hoodie until we are over half way to t he airport and it just isn't worth going back for. There are more important things in life than being warm in Alaska. Like getting to the airport on time. Haha. I figured I should get at least one blog post written about my life here before I freeze to death ;-)

* I arrive in plenty of time for my flight so we probably had enough time to go back home for said forgotten hoodie, but in the heat of the moment it seemed like I was never going to make it there in time. All too soon, I was approaching the security gate and saying goodbye to my dearly beloved father. I miss you Daddy.

* My flight takes off late (thank you, Norfolk International...if any of you have ever left on time from this airport please tell me because I never have) and I panic the entire flight, certain I will miss my connection. Somehow, we manage to get to land early in Houston and I end up with enough time to dash across the entire airport (okay, not quite but it felt like it) and arrive at my gate right as my next flight started boarding. Praise the Lord! It was my miracle of the day.

* I fly over some of the most beautiful views I have ever seen in my life and land safe and sound in good time in Seattle. I repeat my mad dash, but this time I have a 30 minute grace period so I promptly lay down on my bag and fall asleep. I am groggy when I board my next flight, hoping it will make sleeping during the flight easier (it didn't).

* My flight is late taking off by a good 30 minutes, so I land in Anchorage 20 minutes late; I grab my luggage and call the person I have never met who is picking me up from teh airport. She is waiting outside and we have a 40 minute drive to my new home.

First impressions of my new home: it is big and we are locked out. We went in the back door, I was taken to my bedroom and settled in for life in Alaska. The next morning I was up bright and early at 3am (yay, 4 hour time difference!); I managed to fall asleep again, only to wake up again around 7. I lay peacefully in bed for another hour, thinking about how there was no turning back when bedlam broke right outside my bedroom door. 8 little people who were very excited to see me were making more noise than seemed humanly possible. I put on some clothes and head out to brave a brand new world.

I would give you a blow by blow account of the next few days of the last week but much of it has been a blur. I have been busy saying the right names to the wrong children, picking up the threads of homeschooling and adjusting to the very different temperatures and time zones that are Alaska. I have seen a moose. I have learned how to get to church. I have taken the boys to their Cub Scout and Boy Scout meetings without a GPS and without getting lost. I have fixed the internet in one day and then unfixed it beyond fixing the following night. I have been called a myriad of different names, but "Miss Rachel" is now the predominant one. The children have told their neighborhood friends that "the new nanny is strict"; hopefully soon they will learn to add "and loves us unconditionally" to that sentence. I have met about 10 new people, not all of them children. I went to the Catholic Young Adult Group and met 4 people my own age, so I have filled my quota for the year (right?). I have been to my first pub/bar. I have been to Costco, been on base twice and figured out that just because there isn't any tax here doesn't mean things are less expensive than they are back home. I have learned to call hairties "pretties" and to decipher my new children's particular brand of speech impediment that, while being endearing, can be fairly hard to understand.

Alaska, so far, has been good to me. I am excited about what this year will bring for me. I am never going to get used to not having my siblings and friends around me, but I don't think I will be crying about it just yet. I miss and love y'all back home.

My Calcutta

Stay where you are. Find your own Calcutta. ~ Mother Teresa

I can hardly call myself a Catholic Blogger if I don't talk about that all important question that is on every Catholic's mind. Their Vocation. What is a vocation? The Merriam-Webster definition is this: 1) a) a summons or strong inclination to a particular state or course of action; especially: a divine call to the religious life b) an entry into the priesthood or a religious order. Of course there are more detailed examples of the definition that follows, but I find it fascinating that the definition found here sounds so conclusive and at the same time, leaves so much to be desired. A religious order (for those of you who aren't Catholic, read NUN or MONK) or the priesthood. Thank goodness we have so much more than that. There is a third vocation, that of remaining single. And of course, the vocation to married life. The one I believe everyone desires to have as their own despite it being the hardest one to live out. Priesthood? No biggie. A religious order? Sure, I can handle that sh*t. Being bound for life (and in death, since Catholics believe that marriage leaves an indelible mark on your soul!) to someone who is guaranteed to drive you up the wall, leave the toilet seat up and help you make lots of happy little Catholic children who will probably look just like your spouse instead of you because that's just the way the world works? Sign me up!

Recently, a close friend asked me what my vocation was or what I thought my vocation was. I avoided the question but he persisted in asking me so I gave a half way decent attempt at answering the question. Truth to be told, I was put on the spot and I didn't want to give an answer because I didn't know the answer. So then I started praying about my vocation again (read: for the upteenth time since being told what a vocation was as a child).

First off, I came to the conclusion than any and every walk in life can be a vocation. Priesthood, Religious Life, Marriage or being Single are just very loose categories that every vocation can fall in to. They are like the organizational bins we use for toys or clothes. I think it is very closed minded to think of vocations as only these terms instead of as organizational bins or categories. There is a danger of being so concentrated on having a vocation that is one of those things, you might miss the vocation sitting right in front of you that is waiting to happen. I am not trying to make anyone who actually isn't discerning their vocation feel better about themselves; however, I am trying to help anyone who might be stuck in the "praying and waiting" phase of their vocation journey. The praying is great, the waiting is what needs to stop. Your vocation is where you are right now in your life. God put you there for a reason. Are you actively seeking to do His will right now, or have you let your prayer life become stagnant and repulsive? Your spiritual life will always be an uphill battle; if you aren't actively climbing, you are sliding backward.

I happen to believe that the end goal of living your vocation - making it to heaven - remains the same, the method of getting there - living out your vocation - is rather fluid and less set in stone. I think to a certain extent, your vocation changes as your circumstances in life change. My vocation right now is to nurture and care for other people's children. I believe there are many other people in the world called to this vocation; the vocation is the same for all of us, yet looks a little different for every person. Which leads me to another point I want to make. You cannot have the same exact vocation as someone else. Um....you can't? But aren't there lots of priests and married couples? Yes, of course their are but I think it is foolish to assume since we are all different people, we are all called to live out the same or similar vocations in the exact same way. That is ridiculous. In my years of taking care of other people's children, I have learned that there is no catch all for raising children. There is no one thing that magically works for all of them. Every child is unique and different and this calls for lots of patience and ingenuity from their parents/caretakers. I think vocations are very similar: the end goal is the same, many of us are called to the same types of vocations, but each vocation looks a little different for each person.

Now to the part where I stop calling you out (sorry, not sorry ;-) ) and start talking about myself again. What is my vocation? I spent several years sporadically praying, fasting and sacrificing in order to discover my great mission in life, my vocation. I spent almost as much time reading books and articles on being open to God's will, seeking out people who had found their own vocations in life and listening to them tell their "success stories" (if you will). This was all so I could better my own chance of getting to my vocation faster like it was a competition I needed to win or a race I could win a medal in. In the beginning, the search for my vocation was hectic; I had a vocation and I needed to know what it was and start doing it yesterday. Which brings me to another point I want to make. (Yay, italics!) Your vocation is never "done". Yeah, let that one sink in for a little while. I was flabbergasted when I finally figured this one out at an embarrassing age. Your vocation is what gets you to heaven. Your entire life is going to be dedicated to this if you are actively seeking out God's will. There is no completing or finishing a vocation. A man's vocational journey isn't completed when he takes Holy Orders and becomes a priest; in fact, many people would agree that is when his vocation starts. I had the wrong mindset. I couldn't have been more wrong. But it is okay to be wrong because if you have an open mind, you will eventually be led to what is right.

I stopped being so frantic about finding my vocation after that. In a masterful attempt at patience I calmed my mind and allotted myself plenty of time in adoration to become better at being still and listening to God. I've always been great at talking to God but listening to Him is something I doubt I will ever be good at. I didn't hear God telling me what to do with my life right away, but I didn't give up. I started spending a little less time in adoration and instead practiced achieving the same stillness in my house and other places in the world. And you know what? There in the stillness on a totally nondescript day, I finally got what I had been chasing after for so many years; a clear voice, resounding in my heart and telling me what I was called to do with my life. I don't remember what I was wearing, how old I was or what day of the week it was, but I do remember the joy coursing through me. I have never been so sure of anything in my life as I was at that moment. God has not spoken to me in that way very often in my life and when He has, it usually isn't about me; He tends to let me know when someone is in need of prayer or something along those lines. I do want to tell you, for those of you still searching for what God wants you to do with your life, He speaks to us in the stillness of our hearts. And your heart really, REALLY has to be still before that happens.

I wish I could say that after this my vocational journey was as smooth as molasses. I think by now you know me better than that. Instead, I became content to "wait on God", telling myself (and other people) that His timing was the perfect timing for things to happen when I should have been using the time He gave me to a better purpose. And if I am going to be completely honest, I wasn't too happy with what He told me. What happens when you find out your vocation in life and don't like it? You get over it, that's what. It took me far too long but I think I finally am. Maybe. Okay who knows if I ever will be but that is beside the point right now. Years of praying for the answer and I didn't even like it.

I think I tend to over romanticize religion and I was expecting my vocation to be the one thing that fulfilled all of my dreams. Which brings me to my final, excellent point. Your vocation is not about you. Want me to say it again? Okay. Your vocation is not about you. 

When you discover your vocation - and you will if you are even a little bit serious about finding it - you will discover an anomoly. Your vocation won't fulfil your wildest dreams. It won't make your life easier in any way. It won't make all of your problems go away. It won't make you feel holy. It won't make doing God's will for your life any easier.

What it will do is push you out into the world. It will force you out of your comfort zone, not once or twice but countless times. It will bring laughter and tears. It will put people in your life you would never have met otherwise. Your vocation is how you can help everyone you meet get to heaven. Don't you want to find out what it is and start living it?