the cross you carry

***trigger warning***

this post is about depression. I don't know whether it will negatively affect your mental health or not so read at your own risk.

I wish

I wish I could heal. your. hurt.

I wish I could follow the sound of your broken heart beating

And make it whole

People hurt you

Used you

Abused you

And you carry that pain all alone

Jesus had Simon of Cyrene but you don’t have anyone

You won’t let anyone help you carry your

Big

Heavy

Cross

The weight of it would kill anyone else

It almost killed you

So many times

But you

Precious you

You are determined to carry it alone to spare anyone who might try to help you the pain of carrying it.

You think you are helping

Maybe you are

But I feel helpless watching you

Seeing you struggle

Seeing you in pain

You hurt

I hurt

You bleed

My heart bleeds too

And somehow in the midst of it all we’ve never been closer or farther apart.

You think you know best

Maybe you do

I know if I have to watch you suffer one more second I’ll

cry

die

So I

Turn away

Pray you survive.

You come to me with this huge weight on your back

Tears streaming down your face

But if I ask you about it

You apologize

Turn away

Pretend it’s not there so I have to pretend too

But that's not fair to me and it's not fair to you

Your cross is an elephant in the room,  a secret we can’t share

I hate it for being there.

I have to remind myself not to hate you too

It's not your fault

You didn't make it

Life gave it to you

I just need you to admit it’s real, even for one second

Let me take it from you

Let me help you hold it

Let me be the one person you don’t have to hide from.

I’ll probably regret it

I’ll definitely regret it

But it will be worth it

For you

I’d do anything

For you

If you would let me but you never do.