a Year of Growth and Change

It is hard to find adequate words to describe this past year. It was a hard year, to be sure, but at the same time, hard doesn't quite cut it as the sole description of everything that happened in 2016. What could?

In order to describe 2016's effect on me, I am forced to use the words of my favorite (and sometimes rival) younger sister. "This year was a year of growth and change. Most of them good changes. But change is always hard." Wow. Can we just take a moment to sit back and appreciate the fact that there are still 19 year olds like her in this world? Praise God from whom all blessings flow, blessings that can come disguised as little sisters.

I remember hearing her say those words as I watched her, five and a half months pregnant, moving around the kitchen of her and her husband's first apartment together. Change indeed, since at this point last year she had only been engaged to her now-husband. Now they had started a family together. By contrast, I felt like nothing was different in my life and yet also felt that somehow, everything had changed and nothing would ever be the same again. Change is always hard.

When I am listing all the things that happened to me this past year, it seems like so much. However when I look at it only to compare where I am now and where I was a year ago, there is still some differences; more startling are the similarities. A year ago, I had been "preparing" for the new year by thinking too much about my failures from the previous year and not enough about the ways I could let God work in my life.

I'm not much for new year's resolutions; however, I managed to scrounge up one or two that I am 100% committed to maintaining not just in the upcoming year but for the rest of my life. The time to get holy is now. The time to love is now. The time to forgive is now. I am really done putting things off until tomorrow when tomorrow never comes.

Maybe I will end up sharing all of my New Year's resolutions with people eventually, but for now I am going to stick with sharing one. I have decided that I don't want to wait until the end of the year to be thankful for the many blessings he has put in my life. I also don't want to wait until the end of the year to process all the negative things that have happened. I don't want to be caught by surprise anymore, facing a new year and finding myself still entrenched in the same bad/sinful habits I had the year before. Self-awareness is my New Year's resolution. Awareness of how I treat other people, awareness of how I treat myself and most importantly awareness of my relationship and the degree and pursue it with the man upstairs.

I feel compelled to mention the heroes of my 2016. My friends. Despite its many trials, I feel like this year in particular has brought other new and fulfilling friendships with it, or it has shown old and true friendships to me in a beautiful new life. 2016 is the year that will keep on giving through its myriad of friendships. I think the last time I was so joyous and carefree, so ecstatic about my relationships with other people was when I was a small child.

As I look back on 2016, I find myself clinging to a cold comfort. I sincerely hope at the end of my life that my Lord and Savior compares me to what I was before, not to the other people in my life (like I am so often tempted to do). As I look forward to 2017, I am anticipating more good changes, more chances to grow closer to God and to grow in love for my neighbor. A new year of taking a step back and being grateful for those around me. Laus Deo!