I know Love

I had a thought tonight, entering the church before going into the adoration chapel. How does a Lover dress when they are visiting their Beloved? How does a Lover dress when they are visiting their Beloved? For if you asked me where I was going tonight, I would have told you "I am going to see My Beloved." (Even though I don't look like it.) My Beloved. The Lover of my Soul. The King of My Heart. He is beautiful in His perfection and before He became beautiful, I don't think true beauty even existed.

He is here tonight in the silence waiting; breathless with anticipation, I walk eagerly through the church, I bless myself with the Holy Water, I genuflect on both knees, head bent in adoration and then I sit at His feet and pour out my soul to this All-Knowing Being. And He listens. I can feel Him listening to me, I can feel Him opening up and urging me deeper into knowing Him. His desire for our two souls to become one is so strong, I can taste it. With Him, I can see it and I feel like it is possible. 

Today was a very long, tiring day. I came to see my Beloved in flip-flops, yoga pants and a flannel shirt, aka the first clean clothes I could find. My hair is a rat's nest and there are bags under my eyes; there is a rough, hoarse quality to my voice when I speak and I can hardly keep my eyes open or my mind off how badly my back is hurting.

But do you know what? It is enough. I am enough. I run to Him, empty and dry, and He is brimming over with peace and grace, just waiting to fill me up. No matter how many other people are here, no matter how many people have come to see Him, I always get the feeling that He was waiting for me in particular to show up.

And oh, how I need Him to love me tonight. I need Him to rejuvenate my soul so I can go home refreshed and love the little people in my care. Love is the gift that keeps on giving. My Lover (My Beloved) loves me, I pass that love on to the people in my life, they pass it on to the people they know and so on and so forth. I hope one day to be like a mirror of Love so when people look at me instead of seeing me, they are dazzled by the love that shines through me, of which He is the source.

This is how it feels to be truly loved. He is seeing me at my worst tonight and loving me just the same as if I was at my best. I don't think He sees a difference. My mood's don't phase Him. My best or my worst, He is happy to see me. He loves me as I am no matter what. How does a Lover dress when they are visiting their Beloved? Sometimes I take great care in the way I am dressed but sometimes on nights like tonight, I find myself before Him looking like a drudge. He loves me as I am, no matter what. 

I make sure, no matter what, that I come before Him as myself. Me. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't waste His time pretending to be something else and He rewards me for that. There is an intimacy that has been achieved over years with patience, devotion and tears. It is an intimacy that cannot be faked. 

I know Love. He has a Name.