I don't know what I'm doing

It’s 9am on a Saturdaaay, the regular crowd trickles in

Most people here are commuting to work

Coffee helps them feel human agaaaain

Where: Dunkin’ Donuts across the street from Holy Family Catholic Church

When: 9am on a Friday

Who: Me :)

There is a line filling the entire store, someone just tried to walk off with someone else’s coffee, some lady and her kid are all over the place bumping into everyone and standing right in front of the door and the atmosphere is filled with the unstable joviality that will come crashing down as soon as a customer doesn’t receive their coffee/sugar fix quickly enough.

And that, my friends, is when the window washers walk in. Now in addition to tying not to trip over anyone’s feet or children, there are sudsy buckets of water on the floor to avoid too. A crew of men wearing bright green proceeds to get in everyone’s way and thoroughly scrub and shine the windows. It’s like a scene from a comedy. The cacophony and chaos are stupendous. Nobody knows what to make of the window washers. Nobody can remember what they ordered. But hey, at least it smells good in here right?

And then just like that, the window washers finish and exit. Everyone receives their orders they have been waiting on for the last 10 minutes and there is a rush to get to the door, to complete the final leg in the morning commute. I am one of the last people left standing inside and the sudden silence is breathtaking.

Just, you know, a regular morning in Florida. Yes, folks, this is the long anticipated update on how I am doing here.

How do I like it here? I don’t. Jacksonville, to put it mildly, sucks. For those of you back home, think of Portsmouth and then imagine it on a much larger scale with worse drivers; now you have a little insight into the place I now call home.

"We don't know what we're doing, but we're getting good at it."

Mother Angelica 

That being said, my soul really likes it here. (I realize this is a strange way of putting it but it also makes the most sense.) Deep inside of myself, I am content. Happy, even. At peace. This is where God wants me. I am here doing His will; here is where I’m meant to be. It makes no sense but I find myself quite incapable of planning on leaving a place I don’t even like. Following God tends to do that to me. Jacksonville Florida, for the foreseeable future, is a match made in heaven and I ain’t gonna mess with something good.

There are lots of bugs here. I have learned not to look up when I leave the house early in the morning; the cluster of insects that lives in/near the front porch light leaves my stomach turning and wishing I could be back inside, safely in bed. There is a green frog that lives on the front porch. There are snakes, lizards, geckos, newts and all sorts of amphibious life everywhere; I find myself almost stepping on all sorts of things during my runs. Last week, I saw my first alligator.

It is still so odd for me to be the new person. Everyone typically assumes I am a college student before I set them straight. For the first time in my life, I am bolding telling people I relocated a day’s journey from everything I know because God told me to.

“what brings you to florida?”

“God wants me here.”

There is a freedom that accompanies admitting you aren’t in control of your own life. My heart might not be happy to be here but my soul has been given wings.

They shall soar on wings like eagles. They shall run and not grow weary. They shall walk and not grow faint.

I go to Mass at 7am when I can. I am succeeding as often as I fail for putting the baby down for a nap now. I have a carseat in the back of my car. I have my own personal cheerleading squad that jumps up and down with excitement every time I come home. I am realizing afresh how impatient and imperfect I am. My failures dismay me but the good news is, I am much too busy throughout the day to dwell on it; I make a firm purpose of amendment and ask for the grace to do better tomorrow.

Best of all is being here with Jiza. It has been years since I got to spend any decent amount of time with her. I used to pray Mark would get transferred back to Norfolk so I could hang out with his wife again; now years later, I am living out the answer to my prayers. They didn’t come to me, I came to them but I’m not picky so I’m not gonna complain about it.

I am near a beach. I have found a few decent cemeteries. When I was in a Chick-fil-A a couple weeks ago, it got searched by the police. I met someone in the confession line that grew up in Virginia Beach and used to go to St. Benedicts! Last weekend, I was supposed to have girl time with a sweet soul who is generously being my friend and showing me the good in Jacksonville; it turned into quality time with her husband and two other random wierdos (Alex and Mahlon, I hope you are reading this) too. We started by getting artisan donuts and ended up playing Carcassone in a coffee shop.

I miss mail boxes. I know that is an odd thing to say, but I think neighborhoods should have mailboxes and they don't here and it irks me. The house number next door is 12534. It drives me crazy. I wore a skirt with pink flowers on it two Sundays ago. The 4 yr old told me I looked "so pretty, just like a pig!" The 5 yr old informed me later the same day she liked my pig outfit. My pig outfit is definetly staying in Florida whenever I move next.

I've been asked about my husband. I've had someone approach me and ask if I was a Rastelli, two things I never imagined happening here, where nobody knows me.

Two more things before I end this ridiculously long update. Y’alls prayers are the freaking bomb dot com, yo! I appear to no longer be allergic to cats….

…..RIGHT?!?!?!? It’s a heckin’ miracle.

Since y’alls prayers worked soooooo well, I am unashamedly asking for more. I have two intentions very special, very close to my heart. Timing is everything so I am not going into specifics just yet but I promise, you will get the full update as soon as I feel led by God to let y’all know what’s up. It’s all good, but it’s gonna be a lot of work and I don’t know what I’m doing so yeah. The prayers would be appreciated. I know this is insanely cryptic but heck, I need the prayers mmkay?? :-)

Thus concludes my Florida update. Y’all are in my prayers. Miss ya. Love ya.

Pax vobis.