The Heckin' Life I Lead: Part 1

Friends and Foes alike, Greetings

The following being a calendrical compendium, that is to say, an accurate and detailed account of the previous three months of my life.

First things first. If I have at any point in the past 3 months answered the question “How are you doing” with anything remotely positive, that answer was a lie. For you to have an accurate take on what life has been doing to me lately, I want you to think of Looney Tunes. Specifically, any of the Looney Tunes characters when they realize they are holding a bomb with an extremely short fuse - blank, horrified look, frozen in place, scared to death. Wait, it’s not supposed to play out like this. How is it I always seem to be the one holding the bomb? I’ve taken to describing myself as God’s Comic Relief. Go ahead and laugh, it’s funny. - and painfully accurate.

I tried to think of a less-listy more story-like way of telling this tale but that would take forever. Telling this story over the phone takes a good 10 minutes IF I am being quick. There are some things that shouldn’t be rushed though and witnessing to the way God has been working in my life is one of those things. This is actually one of my Liturgical New Year’s resolutions; no longer downplaying God’s part in my life. I tend towards shrugging it off like it’s no big deal that He’s always come through for me and that is just the wrong approach. So yeah. Woohoo. God! Keep reading please lol.

There isn’t a particular, definitive start to this story so I picked one. The dates are accompanying the things that happened because, quite frankly, I am amazed I came through so much happening in such quick succession without having a terrible breakdown. Here goes nothin’ y’all.

Sept. 17 (until about mid Nov.): I slide into another depressive episode.

Sept. 20th-24th: my Night Terrors come back, making it impossible to sleep.

Oct. 3rd: I come down with a nasty cold and end up with a completely debilitating asthma flare up for a week.

Oct. 10th: After agonizing over spending the money, I buy the Blessed is She Advent journal.

Oct. 11th: I find out my job is ending. I immediately feel a strong call to “non action”, to prayer and waiting on God to provide me with a new job. And a lot of regret about spending money on an advent journal!

Oct. 12th: I have to re-open my finger I injured this past summer and drain it.

Oct. 13th: I hydroplane on the way home from work and realize I need new tires, a huge expense right as my job was ending.

Oct. 14th (aka the worst day): I try to tell my parents what is going on with my job & car, end up miscommunicating horribly and head home. That night I come closer than I ever have to having a full blown panic attack.

Oct. 15th: I get new tires but am told my control arm (the part that keeps the tire stable on the axle) needs to be replaced. FYI control arms are not easy or cheap to fix…

Oct. 17th (aka The Golden Day): Despite the general atmosphere at work being fairly anxious, I had an amazing day attempting to get rid of a load of old bottles in the company van with one of my favorite coworkers. The trip took about 2 hours longer than we thought it would and she bought me a bagel on route :) Then it was time to head to the mechanic to get my control arm fixed; the good news? They can fix it right away. They convince me to have lunch with them and buy it for me (my mechanics may or not be some of my fave people ever). I stop off at adoration and the scheduled adorer has a family emergency so I get Jesus all to myself for a good 40 minutes(!). I head to meet my friend Suzanne for coffee and amidst telling her my life is absolute sh*t, she tells me that I’ve got this. And buys my coffee. And then we head next door for macaroons...Seriously, this day was the best. day. ever.

Oct. 20th: I can no longer put off going to the chiropractor even though the last thing I want to do is spend money. I stop by the library on my way home and find $40 in my back pocket that I swear wasn’t there before.

Oct. 25th-27th: I head out of town to watch some kids for the weekend and honestly, I am looking for the respite from my life. My oldest sister graciously lends me her more dependable car since mine is a problem child.

Oct 29th: I am back in town and after putting over $700 into my car, it won’t start. My brother has it towed for me. At first, they think it is just the battery but upon closer inspection, the alternator is outed as the root of the problem. Alternators aren’t cheap either (in case you wanted to know).

Nov. 4th: My dad helps me replace my alternator; he buys the part for me as an early Christmas gift and saves me the cost of labor in one fell swoop, while teaching me a bit more about my car (I love working on cars with my dad).

Nov. 6th: I start a novena to the patron saint of unemployment for myself and 2 of my coworkers with the intention that we all find gainful employment.

Nov. 9th: I cut myself again at work, in the leg this time. I am back to not being able to run or workout, after FINALLY being recovered from my cold.

Nov. 10th: My brakes go out on my way to work. My manager helps me get my car to the mechanic and I find out my brake line needs to be replaced. I have to borrow money from my older sister because guess what? Brake lines are expensive to replace too and I didn’t have the money.

Nov. 10th, 11th, 12th: I go camping at Chincoteague with my sister and 2 close friends. We have an amazing time and I finally shake off the depression that has been dogging me since September.

Nov. 13th: The devil starts hardcore attacking my friendships with these women I had just spent the weekend with. I retaliate by thanking God for the gift of having them in my life.

Nov. 14th: I go to traffic court for a ticket, praying it will get waived because I have no money to pay it. (It got waived!)

Nov. 15th: I finish my novena to the patron saint of unemployment.

Nov. 16th: My coworkers I included in the novena tell me they have started with network marketing companies. Not the outcome I was expecting from my novena. I am both excited for them and frustrated that they got jobs and I did not.

Nov. 17th (Friday): My job was supposed to end on Wednesday but today I find out they extended it another week.

Nov. 18th: My homie Solanus Casey is FINALLY beatified. Seriously. He is one of my faves. My parents have this 2 hour documentary on his life that ranks in my top 5 favorite movies.

Nov. 19th: social media is, of course, flooded with various quotes from Solanus but one in particular strikes me to my core. Thank God in advance. I stop what I am doing, go straight to adoration, fall on my face before the monstrance and thank God for the job He has provided me with, even though I don’t know what it is yet. I don’t need to know to be grateful.

Nov. 22: I had, at this point, been practically swimming in my jeans/shirts/basically all my winter clothes (the one time losing weight has been inconvenient!!) from last year but unable to justify buying new clothes. My coworker goes through her closet and gives me some hand me downs that fit perfectly. And I look amazing in them.

Nov. 24th: My job gets extended again.

Nov. 26th: A friend needs a ride home from the airport and I wrestle with the desire to be charitable and my need for being careful with how much gas I use since I won’t have an income soon. And then I remember this. Economizing is all well and good until it interferes with charity. Anything good taken to an extreme runs the risk of becoming bad. I decide to limit only spending on myself.

Nov. 27th: I run out of the aloe I use on my hair and decide it’s an unnecessary expense and don’t need to buy more. My neighbor shows up on my front porch later that day with a huge aloe plant for me. I am speechless. After spending more time in prayer, I realize God is caring for my immediate needs - clothing, aloe - and that a job must not be a need.

Nov. 28th: I call up an old friend to talk photography and end up with a potential job offer.

Nov. 29th: I get an official job offer, starting mid January, for a live in nanny position with old friends in Florida.

Nov. 30th: My job gets extended again.

Dec. 2: I get a check for a thousand dollars in the mail from my grandfather. (Seriously, y’all, I can’t make this stuff up!)

Dec. 3rd: The beginning of Advent...I crack open my BIS advent journal I haven’t been able to make myself look at since it arrived and in reading the opening pages I realize something incredible. This journal is going to change me. I bought it to help me have a deeper appreciation for Advent and oh my freaking lanta y’all, it continues to do so much more than that!!

Dec. 4th: After multiple extensions, I finally work my last day at Fruitive. I almost cry a lot. Everyone hugs me. Someone even told me they would miss my singing! And I leave sad, but as I drive out of the parking lot, I know I have made the right choice. All of the emotional turmoil and angst fades as I am left with nothing but my firm belief in God’s promise to provide for me. Give us this day our daily bread...I knew He would. He has. He continues to do so. I sent one of my coworkers a text a week later, trying to describe the feeling....

This is the end, that is to say, the completion of the dates and times resulting in the calendrical compendium. The tale will resume in part two under different formatting but with the same focus: GOD.