Shall We Dance?

I was at a party with a group of friends a few nights ago and none of the guys asked me to dance.

{^probably half the texts I have ever sent to my girlfriends started like this. Okay, maybe just a third. Given how often I text, this is still an alarmingly high number.}

I know, I know. It seems pretty drab for an opening but hey, replace “party” in that sentence with “wedding reception” “bar” or any other event that dancing happens...still fits eh? And none of the guys asked me to dance. Feeling uncomfortable yet? A little hot under the collar? No? What about feeling a little sorry for the girls you’ve never asked to dance but knowing they are bettter off without that particular experience? If this last explanation is you, this blog post is for you.

Okay so, guys, I’m gonna give it to you straight. Girls love being asked to dance. Even if she says no, even if she’s on crutches, even if she’s 90 years old, if she is a female and at a social function where dancing is happening she wants to be asked to dance. It doesn't matter how old she is. It doesn't matter if she is physically capable of dancing. It doesn't matter if she knows how to dance. It doesn't matter if you think she's going to judge you. It doesn't matter if you hate her. It doesn't matter if you feel like the biggest idiot in the world going over there and putting your pride on the line and asking her to dance. She is going to be extremely grateful and flattered that you did so. You will make her day. You might even end up making her year.

My main point has been made but I will repeat it just for clarity’s sake; If you are at a social function where dancing is involved, every living, breathing female in that room wants to be asked to dance. Which brings us to the next point or more aptly named, the list of insecurities to address.

You see, I am convinced there are only a few main reasons why guys fail to ask girls to dance more often. 1) They are afraid to ask. 2) They are afraid to be told no. 3) They aren’t confident in their dancing capabilities.

Gentlemen, please allow me to try and alleviate these fears to the best of my ability.

1)They are afraid to ask. Well this reason was a no-brainer. In fact, this reason is also the reason guys don't ask girls out, don't ask for their numbers, don't do a lot of things girls wish they would do... But that is beside the point at the moment. Right now we are talking about how it affects their interactions with girls in a social setting that involves dancing. You see a girl standing there, maybe talking to her friends (probably venting to said friends about not being asked to dance) and you don’t want to go over there and ask, especially not with an audience. Guys, this is nothing to be ashamed of. I can't think of a single girl that would want to walk across the room, up to a guy surrounded by his friends and ask him to dance with her. We get it. It’s tough. But since it happens so rarely, we can’t sit around alone in an attempt to be more approachable on the chance someone might ask us to dance. Sitting on the sidelines at a wedding reception with your besties and still having a good time is very different from sitting alone on the sidelines and thinking about how awful and lonely your life is. Plus, we are wearing uncomfortable shoes, stiff and formal dresses and we spent hours agonizing over our makeup and hair…..to look good….for you. And now we have to sit alone to make ourselves more approachable? It’s not going to happen. I don’t have any advice, just encouragement. If she is breathing and not currently on the dancefloor, she wants to be asked to dance. If that’s not encouraging, I don’t know what is.

Okay, reason two; 2)They are afraid to be told no. Well geez, aren’t we all afraid of rejection? I mean it’s a dance. You aren’t proposing for heaven’s sake. You are giving a girl the time of her life for an average of 2 minutes; that has got to be one of the shortest social contracts of all time (it is MUCH more tedius to be stuck in a conversation with no polite exit!!!) and it costs you nothing but a little anxiety. You don’t have to talk to the girl. You don’t have to look at her. You don’t even have to know her!!! Think about how easy it would be for you to ask a girl to dance (or ask her out or get her number or whatever) if you did it frequently enough to where you were used to it. Hopefully she will say yes and if you happen to ask me or one of my friends (gorgeous people that they are), you’re gonna be the envy of every other man in the room. Over time, the yeses would probably surprise and please you and the no’s wouldn’t bother you anymore. Now, I know that some people aren't that gracious when they are rejecting you and I'm sorry for that - truly I am - but I don’t think the rest of us girls should suffer because of a few ungrateful ones. I really don’t. So stop punishing us because Thelma back in 8th grade refused to dance with you at spring formal.

You will be told no. I have told guys no before. Actually, I refused to dance with my future brother-in-law (although I didn’t know it at the time) at a good friend’s wedding. Why, you ask? Because I am insecure in my own dancing capabilities!! The lights weren’t dimmed on the dancefloor yet and I freaked out because I really suck at dancing. So if a girl tells you no when you ask her to dance, it could just be because she is scared to. I can tell you right now that I instantly regretted it and if he had come back and asked me a second time later on, I would have said yes. Just some food for thought. Girls sometimes need to work up their courage too.

Which brings us to 3, possibly the toughest one of all. 3)They aren’t confident in their dancing capabilities. Well there is the obvious answer; make an effort to learn. Rent DVDs from the library, ask a good friend, take a class….the possibilites are endless and dancing is fun. If you express an interest, you will find people willing to teach you or learn with you.

I danced once at the wedding of my best friend with her younger brother. He asked me to dance and I said yes. He led me onto the dancefloor. He had just learned the basic swing step from the maid of honor and we did that in the same spot, back and forth and side and side over and over again for a full three minutes and you know what? It was fun. And when it was over, he led me off the dancefloor like a proper gentleman and I thanked him for the dance and you know what guys? He was 17. Let that sink in for a minute. You know what else? I didn’t say yes because I felt obligated or felt sorry for him. I wanted to dance and so I did and that memory stands out as the highlight of that wedding reception because he is the only guy who asked me to dance that night (and for all I know, his mother made him). Now let that sink in. Does my life sound a little sad and pathetic? It’s not as sad and pathetic as y’all letting a teenager upstage you.

I am going to close this out by saying that I have been to a lot a few wedding receptions/parties/bars. And I can count on 2 hands the amount of times I have been asked to dance. I have stepped on guy’s feet, had my feet stepped on by the guy, flat out (accidentaly) tripped my partner, felt like a fool and have had bruises the next day on my sides from a guy who was “leading” a little too enthusiastically. Yet these are my glory stories, the times I save to tell my girlfriends when they are down about never getting asked...yes, it does happen and one day it will happen to you too.

Be my heros, guys. Make it happen.